


You're For Keeps.

by MajorWolfe



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2019-08-08 08:37:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 20,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16426058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajorWolfe/pseuds/MajorWolfe
Summary: I've recently discovered that there's a whole plethora of random Balex oneshots or beginnings of fics that never really went anywhere on my laptop, so I thought I'd share them with you.Each chapter will be a standalone fic, they probably won't be in any order and I'll add warnings to the beginning of each chapter if necessary.





	1. Chapter 1

“Alex Dawson… hello…?” Bernie hadn’t even realised she’d hit the call button until she heard Alex’s voice.

 

“Alex” her voice caught in her throat.

 

“Bernie?” Alex frowned and pushed herself to sit up in her bed, “is everything okay?” It was only as she heard a slight hoarseness in Alex’s voice that Bernie glanced at the clock on her dashboard and swore under her breath, it was after 11, she’d obviously woken the other woman, “Bern?”

“I erm, I’ve left Marcus.”

“You…”

“I’ve told him that things aren’t working between us, I’ve packed my things and I’ve left.”

“Where are you?”

“In my car, I erm, I was going to find a hotel but I didn’t realise the time so erm, I’ll probably head back to the hospital, use the on call room tonight and find somewhere tomorrow, I didn’t know it had gotten so late, I’m sorry if I woke you.”

“No, no it’s fine, do erm, do you want to come over?”

“No, Alex I wasn’t hinting, I erm...”

“I’ll text you my address yeah?”

“If you’re sure?”

“Of course” Alex said softly, “I’ll text you the address over now.” she said before adding, “drive safely Bern.”

Alex ended the call and Bernie sat staring at the darkened screen until her phone vibrated in her hands, she set her phone to direct her to the address Alex had sent, dropping it into the charging cradle and beginning to drive.

Bernie stood outside the apartment block for a while, she couldn't believe she was so nervous, “pull yourself together” she told herself, “you can do this” she reached out, pressing the buzzer for Alex’s flat before she lost her nerve, “it’s me” she said simply once Alex answered.

“I'm on the third floor” Alex told her, “I'll meet you by the lift.”

Bernie heard the click of the door opening and pushed it open, making her way over to the lift and up to the third floor, “sorry” she apologised when she saw Alex, the other woman dressed simply in blue and grey checked pyjama bottoms and a grey hoodie, “if I’d have seen the time I wouldn't…”

“It's fine” Alex said quickly, “I wouldn't have answered if it was a problem, and I certainly wouldn't have invited you over if I hadn't wanted to so stop apologising.”  Alex led Bernie down the corridor to her apartment, “I put the kettle on” she told her, “but I didn't know if you’d prefer something stronger?” she gestured to the bottle of expensive scotch on the side by the kettle.

“Something stronger would be good” Bernie nodded as she slipped off her shoes.

Alex nodded, pouring two generous measures of alcohol before walking over to Bernie, “you can sit down” Alex said, handing her a glass before sitting herself down on the sofa, curling her legs beneath herself, “I'm sorry it’s so cold in here, the heating went off at…”

“No, no” Bernie interrupted as she sat on the opposite end of the sofa to Alex, “it’s fine honestly.”

“Do you, do you want to stay?” Alex asked, not taking her eyes off her glass.

“I'd like that” Bernie nodded, “if you wouldn't mind?”

“I've only got one bedroom” Alex told her, “you're welcome to the sofa or erm, we could bunk up together for old times sake?”

“You've got this stylish apartment and you're telling me you've got bunk beds with paper thin mattresses  in your bedroom?” Bernie tried to lighten the mood.

Alex laughed, still not looking up from her scotch. “I'm afraid not, just a king size bed with a memory foam mattress, no itchy wool blankets either.”

“How do you sleep at night?”

Alex laughed again, a sound Bernie didn't think she could ever get sick of, “very well actually.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Bernie smiled.

The pair sat in silence for a few minutes before Alex downed the dark liquid in her glass, “I need to know Bern” she said quietly, “you and Marcus, you’re not going to go back to him in a couple of weeks, I, I can’t do that, I need…” she sighed, rolling her empty glass in her hand wishing she hadn’t left the bottle in the kitchen, “I need to know where I stand” she said honestly, “are you going to go back to him?”

“No” Bernie said, knocking back her own scotch, “I, seeing you today, it brought everything back, I thought it would be easier if I went back to Marcus and the kids but the kids don’t need mothering any more and, I never really realised how incompatible we were.  It was only after I saw you again that I realised, the feelings I had for Marcus are gone, I don’t feel the same way about him as I do you.” She sighed, her eyes fixed on the floor, “I got speaking to Dom, Doctor Copeland after you’d left, he told me that you love who you love, there’s no shame in that and I think he’s right, all I’ve done since I got back is think of you and how wonderful life would be if only I was brave enough.”  She looked up, her eyes finally meeting Alex’s, “I think it’s finally time to be honest with myself. I love you Alex.”

“Oh Bern” Alex sighed, tears pooling in her eyes, “I love you too, I love you so very much.”

“I’m sorry” Bernie whispered, placing her empty glass on the coffee table so she could take hold of Alex’s free hand in both of her own, “you saved my life and I just...I just tossed you aside, I’ll completely understand if you don’t, if you’re not interested any more but I…” she shrugged, “I’m yours, if you, if you want me”

“I do” Alex whispered, “you know I do, but you need to be one hundred percent certain that you want me too.”

Bernie said nothing, gently placing one hand on Alex’s cheek before brushing her lips against those of the woman she loved, “we can do this at your pace” she said as she pulled away.

Alex nodded, “do you want to go to bed? To sleep I mean, it’s getting late. We can talk more tomorrow.”

“That’s probably a good idea” Bernie nodded, “I’m working in the morning.”

“I’ll be waiting for a call to see if I’m needed anywhere.” Alex stood up, holding her hand out to Bernie, “didn’t you bring a bag?”

“It’s in the car, I didn’t want you to think I was expecting you to let me stay.”

Alex laughed as she led Bernie into the bedroom, their fingers still linked, “you think I just invite women into my home at midnight to give them a drink then kick them out?” Bernie didn’t get time to answer, “I’ll find you some pyjamas, you can get your bag in the morning” she gestured to a door off the bedroom, “there’s an ensuite through there, feel free to use whatever you need, there should be a new toothbrush in the cabinet on the wall” she said as she passed Bernie some pyjamas.

Bernie smiled as she took the soft cotton garments from Alex, “thanks” she said softly, leaning forwards to brush her lips against Alex’s cheek, “I won’t be long.”

Alex was already in bed when Bernie came out of the bathroom, her hoodie discarded to reveal a plain white vest top, the duvet pulled over her lap as she waited for Bernie to join her.  She smiled as she watched the older woman place her neatly folded clothes on top of the chest of drawers, “I can make you some space, if you want to stay that is?” Alex said as Bernie joined her in the bed.

“I… are you sure?” Bernie hadn’t expected to move in with Alex straight away, even if the other woman wanted a relationship Bernie had expected to find her own place, to take things slowly.

“Yeah, if it’s what you want?”

Bernie nodded as she laid down, turning on her side so she was facing Alex, “I’d like that.”

Alex smiled as she too laid down facing Bernie, “I can’t believe this is real” she whispered, as she gently reached out to touch Bernie’s cheek.

“It’s real Alex” Bernie said softly, taking Alex’s hand in her own, “I’m just sorry I didn’t let myself be honest with you from the start.”

“It doesn’t matter” Alex told her, “if we’re doing this then let’s start again, let’s call this the beginning.”

Bernie nodded, “okay”.  They fell into a content silence for a while, both laying under the duvet  just looking at each other, both unable to believe that this was it, that their time had finally come, the time where they could be honest about their feelings, where they were free to love each other without having to hide.  It was Bernie who spoke first, “can I ask you something?”

“Yeah” Alex nodded, “sure.”

“Earlier, you said you got disillusioned, that’s why you left…”

“Yeah” Alex dropped her gaze to the crisp white bed sheets, “I erm, I couldn’t settle properly without you” she confessed, “I, I struggled to trust the others like I did you.”

“I don’t mean to pry” Bernie said quietly, “but I couldn’t help noticing the meds in the cabinet when I was looking for the toothbrush.”

“Oh” Alex frowned, she’d not even thought about the anti-depressants stored in her bathroom, “I planned on leaving but I got a medical discharge in the end.”

“Because of depression?” Bernie frowned, “what happened? Are you okay?”

“I got diagnosed with PTSD, I kept having flashbacks only there was nothing I could do to save you, I couldn't eat I couldn’t sleep, I kept having panic attacks… there was just this constant worry, a constant fear that it was going to happen again.  Every time I left the base I felt like I was constantly on edge” She glanced upwards, her eyes meeting Bernie’s again, noticing nothing but concern on her face, she was always worried about telling people, about the stigma that came with mental illness, but Bernie had been there, she should have known she wouldn’t be judged. “It’s stupid but it’s one of the reasons I took the job at Holby, I needed to see you for myself, I needed to see you were safe.”

“Oh Alex” Bernie shuffled closer so she could wrap her arms around Alex, the younger woman nuzzling into her, “I’m okay, you don’t need to worry about me, I’m safe now and so are you” she told her before asking, “are the meds working?”

“Yeah” Alex made no attempt to move from Bernie’s embrace, “I tried therapy before and it took a while to get the dosage right but I’m okay now.”

“I’m glad to hear it” Bernie nodded, stroking slow circles on Alex’s back.

“I’m sorry” Alex mumbled, “I should have told you, if this is too much for you if you want…”

“I want you” Bernie said sincerely, “I was there with you, I know what it was like out there, neither of us came away in one piece, we’ve both got scars, it just happens that your scars are in your mind, mine are on my body.”

“I love you Bern.”

Bernie smiled, “I love you too.

It didn't take long, less than fifteen minutes of Bernie holding her and rubbing her back was enough to send Alex off to sleep.  Bernie smiled when she realised Alex had dropped off and kissed her forehead softly before allowing her own eyes to close, safe in the knowledge that she’d made the right decision to leave Marcus.

Bernie frowned as she woke the next morning, recognising instantly that she wasn't at home. The mattress beneath her was softer than her own and she’d woken on the wrong side of the bed, Marcus always slept on the...Marcus. That's when it hit her, she’s left him, spent the night holding Alex closely and… Bernie frowned, still half asleep, Alex wasn't there. She was in the bed alone.

Almost right on cue the bedroom door swung open and Alex appeared, still in her pyjamas but carrying a large tray, “oh, you’re awake” she smiled, “morning.”

Bernie couldn’t help but return the smile, “morning.”

“I made us breakfast” Alex smiled, getting back into the bed, two cooked breakfasts and two mugs of coffee on the tray, “but don’t get used to it” she chuckled.

“You didn’t have to go to any trouble Alex” Bernie sat up in the bed before kissing Alex’s cheek, “but thank you very much.”

“It was no trouble, some of us aren’t used to sleeping past 5am yet, I thought I might as well make myself useful.”

“Well I’m very grateful” Bernie thanked Alex again as she passed over a plate, “this certainly beats my usual breakfast.”

“Which is?”

“Coffee and a cigarette”

Alex laughed and rolled her eyes, “you really haven’t changed have you?” Bernie just laughed in response as Alex told her, “there’s a little balcony off the living room, I’m not going to force you to go downstairs if you want to smoke but I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do it inside the flat.”

“Of course” Bernie nodded as she ate the breakfast Alex had made for her, “this is lovely thank you.”

A content silence filled the room as they both ate, and Alex was quick to clear the plates away when they’d done,leaving Bernie in bed drinking her coffee,  “if I don’t get a job today I’ve got a few things I need to go out and do” Alex told her as she got back into bed, it was still early, “so you’ll have to let me know when you’re leaving the hospital so I can make sure I’m back to let you in, I’ll speak to the letting agency about getting a second set of keys for you.”

“Thank you” Bernie smiled, looking at Alex for a moment before kissing her softly, “I still can’t believe this is real.”

“Oh it’s real alright” Alex smiled, “you’re stuck with me now.”

Bernie laughed, “I can think of worse people to be stuck with” she kissed Alex again before glancing at the clock, “would you mind if I jumped in the shower?”

“Of course not” Alex got out of bed and took some towels from a drawer, “where are your keys? I’ll go and get your bag for you.”

“They’re in my coat pocket, thank you.”

“No worries” Alex winked, “I’d offer to join you but I don’t want to make you late for work.”

Bernie laughed again, it had been a long time since she’d laughed this much, “we’ve showered together before and not been late for duty.”

“Yeah but it was easier to keep my hands to myself when there were 15 men in the shower with us” Alex smirked as she left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

“I don’t know who you think you are” Bernie said firmly as she approached Morven, the man she was speaking to becoming angrier and more aggressive with every curse word that fell from his lips, “but that is not how you speak to the staff on this ward” she told him, moving so she was stood between him and Morven.

“I wasn’t speaking to you” the man spat, the stench of cheap, stale whiskey obvious on his breath, “now you listen ‘ere” he pointed over Bernie’s shoulder, jabbing his finger in Morven’s direction, “if you don’t tell me where my brother is then I’ll…”

“I can assure you that you won’t be doing whatever it is you think you will.” Bernie cut in, “now you either need to calm down and apologise to Doctor Digby or you need to leave this ward. What’s it going to be?”

“I’ve already told you, I’m not talking to you.” The man tried to push past Bernie but she stood her ground, refusing to let him past.

“You need to leave now.” Bernie said firmly, her body language telling everyone that she wasn’t taking no for an answer.

The man swore at Bernie before turning to walk away, Morven sighing in relief. No one could ever have guessed what was going to happen next, the man turned quickly, his fist connecting with Bernie’s cheek before anyone even had chance to blink. He caught her off guard, she’d been turning to check Morven was alright when he’d hit her, knocking her off balance and sending her stumbling into the wall, her head hitting the plaster with a sickening thud as she crumpled to the floor.

Morven’s scream attracted everyone’s attention and Raf and Serena raced over to help Bernie, Fletch joining them as soon as he’d finished calling security, “Bernie’s phone’s on her desk” Serena told Morven once Fletch and Raf had lifted Bernie onto a bed, “why don’t you call Alex and ask her to come in?”

 Raf looked over at Morven, still stood rooted in shock, “how about you go and get a cup of tea?” he suggested, “if you’re okay here I’ll call Alex?”

“Thank you” Serena nodded, “try not to worry her too much.”

“Of course” Raf nodded.

Fletch was checking Bernie’s pulse when she started to stir, “what the…” her head was pounding, her brain felt like it a swimming and there was an irritating pressure on her wrist.

“You hit your head Ms Wolfe” Fletch told her as he gestured for Serena to come over, “we’re just waiting for CT so we can send you up for a scan, check there’s no serious damage.”

“I’m fine” Bernie mumbled, trying to push herself to sit up, regretting it instantly as the room started to spin and she felt her stomach churn, “I’m fine” she repeated, swallowing hard to try and stop herself feeling like she was about to vomit.

“Here” Fletch passed over a cardboard bowl and helped Bernie sit up as Serena walked over, “how are you feeling?” she asked Bernie.

“I’m fi…”

“She’s nauseous, and, if the look on her face when she sat up is anything to go by, she’s feeling dizzy too.” Fletch told Serena.

Bernie tried to glare at Fletch but found everything seemed to hurt less when she kept her eyes firmly shut, “I’m fine” she insisted.

“I think I’ll be the judge of that thank you.” Serena said as she looked over the obs Fletch had just taken, “CT said they’ll be ready for you in…”

“I don’t need a CT scan” Bernie mumbled, “I’m fine.”

“Yes” Serena quipped, “you certainly look it.”

“I don’t need a CT scan, I’m not wasting NHS time and resources for something I don’t need, now, if you don’t mind…” she once again tried to swallow down the feeling of vomit rising from her stomach.

“Look” Serena said firmly, “fine or not you’re not treating any more patients today, so I’ll do you a deal, if you can manage to walk to the office without stumbling, vomiting, anything like that, if you can show me that you’re fine then I won’t fight you on the CT scan.” She saw the way Fletch looked at her but simply shook her head, Serena had a plan.

“Okay” Bernie carefully shuffled to the edge of the bed, pushing herself to her feet and taking a shaky breath, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other until she made it to the relative safety of her office where she collapsed into her desk chair, holding her aching head in her hands.

“Do you think that’s wise?” Fletch asked, he’d noticed how much effort it had taken Bernie to walk the short distance to her office, “she really should have the scan.”

“I know” Serena nodded, “but she’s safe in her office, we can keep an eye on her and I bet Alex will be able to talk some sense into her, there seems no point me getting her worked up when Alex will be here soon.”

“Ah, nice one” Fletch grinned, “I’ll check in on her in 10 if you want?”

“Might be less suspicious if I do it” Serena told him, “I can get something from the office and she won’t suspect a thing.”

“Where is she?” Alex asked as she flew onto the ward less than 20 minutes later.

“In the office” Serena told her, “she’s refusing a CT scan and she won’t let me examine her, we were hoping you…”

Alex nodded, already walking towards the office, “leave it with me.” She gently pushed open the door, finding Bernie sat in her chair, her head resting on her arms which were folded on her desk.

“I’m fine Serena” she mumbled without looking up or opening her eyes.

“I’m not Serena and you’re not fine.”

Bernie lifted her head, frowning slightly as she slowly opened her eyes, “Alex? What are you doing here?”

“I got a call to say my partner had been assaulted by a patient’s relative and was unconscious, then I get here to find you’ve refused a CT scan?”

“I’m fine” Bernie insisted but Alex stayed firm.

“You’re not fine. Serena wouldn’t have booked you in for a CT scan if she didn’t think you needed one.”

It didn’t take long, less than five minutes later Alex left the office and walked over to Serena, “any luck?”

Alex nodded, “she’ll have the CT scan as long as she can go up in a wheelchair and not on a trolley and she’ll be examined but she only wants you to do it and she’d prefer it to be in the office, she doesn’t want everyone in the ward watching.”

“I think I can agree to that” Serena nodded, “what did you do to make her agree?”

“Between me and you?” Serena nodded again, “I told her I’d sleep in the spare bedroom so she’d get no cuddles for a week.”

Serena laughed, “cuddles, really?”

“Like I said” Alex smiled slightly, “this stays between the two of us, but Bernie’s one of the softest people I know.”

Serena smiled, “I won’t tell a soul, I’ll come in and see her now, before she changes her mind.”

“Okay” Alex nodded, “I’ll let her know you’re on your way.” She made her way back to the office, Bernie still sat in the darkness with her eyes closed, “Serena’s on her way” she said softly as she perched on the edge of the desk and gently ran her fingers through Bernie’s head being careful to avoid the back of her head, not wanting to cause her partner any more discomfort.

“Okay” Bernie mumbled, frowning as she felt Alex gently take hold of her chin.

“Look at me Bern” she said softly, “the blinds are closed and the lights are off.”

Bernie reluctantly opened her eyes to find Alex gazing down at her, “what?”

“You sound like you’re getting drowsy” Alex frowned.

“You’re feeling drowsy?” Serena asked as she walked into the room, catching the end of Alex’s sentence.

“No” Bernie said unconvincingly, “just a cracker of a headache, I’m fine.”

“Let me be the judge of that hmm?” Serena placed the things she was carrying on the edge of Bernie’s desk before moving her own desk chair so she could sit in front of Bernie, “now I know you probably think all of this is unnecessary, but think of it as an unplanned opportunity to rate me on my skills as a clinician okay, and if you want to take a break at any point, just say, there’s no rush.”

Bernie nodded slowly and Alex moved to stand by Serena’s desk, close enough to see what was going on but not so close that she’d be in Serena’s way. She noticed Bernie’s eyes follow her, the blonde relaxing slightly when she realised Alex wasn’t leaving the room.

Serena started by checking Bernie’s pupils, before moving on to getting her fellow consultant to follow her finger as she moved it in various directions, speaking her findings out loud for the benefit of both Bernie and Alex as she moved on to various other checks. Serena was thorough, from what she’d heard, Bernie’s head had hit the wall with considerable force, she’d never forgive herself if she missed anything. Serena nodded as she finished examining Bernie, “I don’t think there’s anything to be too worried about.” She saw Bernie giving her an ‘I told you so’ look and raised one eyebrow, “it’s better to be safe than sorry, look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t do the same if the roles were reversed.” Bernie said nothing, Serena was right, she would have done exactly the same, “I’ll leave you and Alex in peace until CT are ready for you.”

“Can Alex take me up to CT?” Bernie asked.

Serena nodded, “of course, I’ll let you know when they’re ready” she smiled as she left the office.

Alex walked over to Bernie once Serena had left, holding her hands out, intending to help Bernie to her feet. Bernie frowned but held out her hands, letting Alex pull her to her feet. She let out a shaky breath, relaxing almost instantly as she found Alex’s arms wrapped around her waist, her head finding it’s usual spot, nuzzled in the crook of Alex’s neck, inhaling a scent that she could never describe, a scent that was uniquely Alex, a scent that told her she was safe, she was loved, she was home. “Come” Alex whispered, slowly leading Bernie across the office to the row of chairs by Serena’s desk, sitting them both down and allowing Bernie to curl right into her side.

“I want to go home” Bernie said quietly, “with you.”

Alex kissed Bernie’s temple, knowing Bernie would never admit that to anyone but her, “I know” she said quietly, “and I’m sure Serena will let you go home as long as your CT scan comes back clear.”

“Are you going back to work?”

Alex shook her head, “no, I’ve got tomorrow off too, we can go to bed when we get home and stay there all day if you want.”

“Can we get a takeaway later?”

“Of course” Alex kissed Bernie’s temple again, “we can order from that Thai place you like.”

Bernie smiled slightly, “I love you Al.”

“I love you too Bern, always.”

Serena slowly pushed open the door to the office a while later to find them still sat in the same position, Bernie’s head on her shoulder as she curled into the woman she loved. “Is she asleep?” Serena asked quietly.

“No she’s not” Bernie said before Alex had chance to reply.

“CT are ready for you now, I’ve got you a wheelchair.”

“Steady” Bernie was grateful for Alex’s arm around her waist, a sudden wave of dizzyness causing her to stumble slightly as she heaved herself to her feet, “I’ve got you” Alex pressed another kiss to her temple, “let’s take it nice and slowly, I won’t let you fall.”

Both Alex and Serena were pleased to see that once Bernie recovered from her brief period of dizziness, she had no trouble walking to the wheelchair, “are you okay?” Serena asked when Bernie closed her eyes again almost as soon as she was settled in the chair.

“Yeah” Bernie said quietly, not risking nodding in fear of it making her headache worse, “the lighting isn’t really helping my headache.”

“Ah” Serena nodded, “well I’d better let Alex get you up to CT then so we can hopefully get the all clear and Alex can take you home to get some rest.”

Alex smiled, “come on then” she said as she headed towards the lift, “let’s see how good your sense of direction is with your eyes closed.”

It was almost an hour later when Serena walked back into her office, once again finding Bernie curled into Alex’s side, “there’s no sign of any bleeding or swelling on the CT scan, so, as I presume Alex is more than qualified to keep an eye on you and bring you back in if she notices anything worrying, then you’re free to go. I want you to take tomorrow off too, and if you, or Alex think you need another day or two off then let me know, give yourself enough time to recover properly before you come back.”

Alex and Bernie thanked Serena and Alex helped Bernie change from her scrubs before they slowly walked out to Alex’s car, “don’t fall asleep” Alex warned as she got into the car, laughing slightly as she saw Bernie glare at her, the consultant planning on snoozing away the 20 minute drive to their home, “not because of the concussion” Alex told her, “but because if you fall asleep on now I’ll probably wake you trying to get you out of the car to carry you inside and then not only will you feel crap, you’ll be grumpy at being woken too, she reached over and squeezed Bernie’s knee, “we’ll be home soon Love and then you can sleep all afternoon if you want to.”

“Okay” Bernie agreed as she leaned forward slightly in her seat, “but if I can’t sleep then I get to choose what we listen to.”

Alex smiled as she reversed out of the parking space, “I think I can live with that.”

“Thanks” Bernie smiled softly when Alex helped her from the car once they were home.

“It’s okay” Alex pecked Bernie’s lips, “do you want anything before I come upstairs?”

“A large whiskey?” 

Alex rolled her eyes, “nope, and I’m not giving you caffeine either, not for at least 24 hours.”

Bernie sighed as she pulled off her shoes and Alex helped her take off her jacket, “some apple juice?”

“Apple juice I can do” Alex smiled, “anything else?” she tucked a lock of Bernie’s hair behind her ears as the older woman nodded.

“Some water and a couple of paracetamol wouldn’t go amiss.”

“Okay” Alex kissed Bernie’s forehead, “you go and get settled in bed, I’ll be up in a minute.”

Bernie was curled under the duvet in her pyjamas when Alex came into the room, “thank you” she said, forcing herself to sit up as Alex offered her the water and paracetamol, placing the glass of juice on the bedside table.

Bernie took the painkillers and sipped at her juice as she watched Alex change from the smart trousers and shirt that she’d worn to work that morning into her favourite, faded pyjamas. Alex sat in the bed once she was changed, flicking on the TV and turning the sound down low, “why don’t you lay down?” she asked softly, “get some rest.”

“Yeah” Bernie nodded slightly, “I think I might.” She shuffled down the bed slightly, tossing and turning as she tried to get comfy before she felt Alex stroke her cheek.

“Bern” she said softly, “come here.” Bernie shuffled over, curling up beside Alex and lifting her head so she could lay it in Alex’s lap, “better?”

“Mmm” Bernie nuzzled into Alex as Alex’s fingers began repetitively brushing her hair back from her face, “perfect.”

Alex smiled, bending awkwardly to kiss Bernie’s cheek, “close your eyes, get some sleep Love, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Bernie slept for almost two hours before Alex decided to wake her. She gently traced her fingertips around the outside of Bernie’s ear before her touch trailed down Bernie’s neck, ghosting over the scar from her surgery before moving onto her shoulder, gently massaging at her skin, “Al” Bernie mumbled as she began to stir, “stop it, ‘m sleeping.”

“I want to check you’re okay Love, do you know where you are Bern? Do you know what day it is, who the Prime Minister is?”

“Theresa May's the Prime Minister unfortunately, it’s Monday, and I’m in bed trying to sleep.”

“Do you feel nauseous or dizzy?”

“Just tired. Can I sleep now?”

Alex chuckled slightly and ran her fingers through Bernie’s hair, “yeah, but I’m going to wake you again if you’re still asleep in a couple of hours” she put her finger gently on Bernie’s lips when it looked like she was going to protest, “you know you’d be doing the same if you were worried about me.” Bernie sighed, “what’s wrong Love?”

“You” Bernie pouted, and Alex couldn’t help but smile, she felt so lucky that she got to see a side to Bernie that no one else did, “you wake me up and then don’t even have the decency to give me a kiss before I go back to sleep.” 

“Well we can’t have that can we?” Alex asked, bending over and kissing Bernie’s cheek, the position the blonde was laid in making it impossible for Alex to reach her lips, “better?”

Bernie shook her head slightly before turning slightly, “wan’ proper kiss” she yawned, already beginning to doze off again.

Alex laughed, pressing her lips against Bernie’s, “that okay?” she asked before dropping a featherlight kiss to Bernie’s nose.

“ And ‘nother one.”

Alex smiled and kissed Bernie’s lips twice more for good measure, “sweet dreams my Love.”

“Love you Al” Bernie mumbled sleepily as she rolled back onto her side, her head still in Alex’s lap.

Alex smiled and kissed Bernie’s cheek again, “I love you too Bern.”

Alex didn’t need to wake Bernie again, she began to stir a little over an hour later, “that feels nice” she mumbled before yawning loudly, she’d woken to the feel of Alex’s fingers gently running through her hair, an action that always seemed to relax her.

“Good” Alex continued to play with Bernie’s hair, “hows your head, do you want me to turn the TV off?” A repeat of an old sitcom was playing quietly on the tv, the sound so low Bernie could barely hear it.

“I’m okay” Bernie said softly, “it’s not too bad now, I think the paracetamol and the sleep helped a little”

Alex nodded and glanced at the clock, “you can have some more painkillers in about half an hour.”

“Thanks” Bernie said before shifting slightly, taking a moment before pushing herself to sit up, inhaling sharply and closing her eyes as the room started to spin.

“Dizzy?” Alex asked.

“Mhmm” Bernie’s deep breaths began returning to a more normal rate once the room stopped moving around her.

“Any nausea, double vision?”

“A little nausea, but not as bad as before, and no vision at all with my eyes closed” she smirked playfully.

“Bern” 

She chuckled and turned her head towards Alex before slowly opening her eyes, “no, there’s still only one of you.”

Alex reached out, cupping Bernie’s hand with her cheek, “I know you think I’m going over the top but you’re my world Bern, I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to you because I missed something.” She gently kissed Bernie’s lips before continuing, “so for the next 24 hours just let me worry about you okay, and then, provided your symptoms don’t worsen, I’ll let you complain and make fun of me being over cautious.”

Bernie nodded, feeling relieved as the action didn’t hurt as much as it had earlier in the day, “okay” she agreed, touched that Alex cared so much about her, “and you’re right, I’d be doing exactly the same if you had a head injury.”

“I’m glad to hear it” Alex smiled, “do you feel up to eating anything?”

“Not yet” Bernie said as she reached for the apple juice she’d left by the bed, “maybe in a bit, I don’t usually eat much during the day anyway” she confessed, “I just grab what I can when I can.”

Alex nodded, understanding completely, it was why she insisted that, no matter what their shift patterns were, they always ate a good meal at home either before, or after their shifts, “okay, well if you get hungry let me know and I’ll fetch you something.”

“Thank you” Bernie smiled, watching Alex as the other woman’s face fell, “Al?”

“He hit you” she whispered, her fingers running gently over Bernie’s cheek bone.

“Yeah” Bernie dipped her head, “I didn’t see it coming, I thought he was leaving, he caught me off guard.”

Alex leaned forward and lifted Bernie’s chin before she gently brushed her lips over the tender skin, “it’s starting to bruise” she said softly, “I’m going to get some ice, that’s going to be sore in the morning.”

“Okay” Bernie whispered, her own hand moving to her cheek, wincing slightly as she pressed on the tender skin, her headache had almost masked the pain of her cheek until now, “thank you.”

“Do you want anything else while I’m down there?”

Bernie shook her head, “I’m okay thanks.”

Alex smiled and pecked Bernie’s lips, “I won’t be long.” She returned a short while later with a sandwich bag full of frozen peas and a tea towel, “lay down” she said softly once she was back in bed, waiting for Bernie to get comfortable, her head once again back in Alex’s lap, “here you go” Alex handed Bernie the remote, “you find something you want to watch.” She waited for Bernie to settle on an episode of ‘The Big Bang Theory’ her guilty pleasure, before Alex brushed Bernie’s hair back from her face and, after wrapping the bag in the tea towel, she gently placed it against Bernie’s cheek, leaning down to kiss her forehead when Bernie winced at the contact, “ten minutes” Alex promised “then I’ll take it off.”

“Okay” Bernie said quietly, reaching for Alex’s free hand and linking their fingers together before bringing Alex’s fingers to her lips and gently kissing them one by one.

“Are you okay Love?” Alex asked softly.

Bernie nodded and gently squeezed Alex’s hand before yawning again, “always am when you’re here.”

“Close your eyes” Alex whispered, leaning forward to kiss Bernie’s temple, “get some more rest, it’ll do you good.”

“I’ll wait” Bernie told Alex, “by the time you’re done I’ll be able to have some more painkillers, I’ll try and sleep when I’ve had them.”

“Okay” that made sense to Alex, “and then, if you feel up to eating, I’ll order the takeaway when you wake up again.”

Bernie nodded slightly, “that sounds good to me.”

She fell asleep almost as soon as she’d taken her next dose of paracetamol, her head still in Alex’s lap, their fingers once again linked together, Alex able to feel every one of Bernie’s gentle breaths against her knuckles, she looked so peaceful, so relaxed, Alex still felt lucky every time she looked at Bernie and realised she was hers, that they were together, and, if Alex had anything to do with it, they would be for the rest of their lives. There was no one to judge them, no one to hide from, once that front door closed they were simply Al and Bern, they loved each other and that was all that mattered.

When Bernie woke she was surprised to find Alex had fallen asleep sat up against the head of the bed, her head lolling to one side after she’d fallen asleep were she sat, not wanting to move in case she woke Bernie. Bernie glanced at the clock, there was still another couple of hours before they usually ate dinner so she carefully sat up and gently kissed Alex’s cheek and brushed her hair back from her face, “Al” she whispered, “wake up.”

“Mmm” Alex mumbled sleepily, as she reached out for Bernie without opening her eyes, “you alright?”

“I’m fine” Bernie smiled, “I just want you to lay down so you don’t end up with back ache.”

“Love you” Alex mumbled as she did as Bernie asked, shuffling down under the covers and holding her arms out for Bernie to cuddle into her.

Bernie kissed Alex’s lips gently as she too settled down to go back to sleep, “I love you too.” 

It was almost seven when Alex woke again, Bernie’s head against her shoulder as Bernie dozed in a light sleep. Alex smiled softly and gently trailed her fingers along Bernie’s spine, “hi” she said softly as Bernie shifted to look up at her.

“Hi” Bernie mumbled sleepily, a small smile gracing her face.

“How are you feeling?” Alex asked as she took in the bruise beginning to form on Bernie’s cheekbone.

“Sore” Bernie admitted, “but I’ll live.”

“I’m glad to hear it” Alex said softly before asking, “are you ready to eat? I’ll take that as a yes” she chuckled, twisting slightly to reach for her phone when, almost right on cue, Bernie’s stomach rumbled. They looked through the menu online before Alex placed their order, “it’ll be 40 minutes” she said, gently beginning to play with Bernie’s hair, “do you want to get up or…?”

Bernie shook her head, “I’m happy here for now, but can we share a bath after we’ve eaten?”

“Of course” Alex nodded, “together?”

Bernie nodded again, “together” she confirmed, “always together.”


	3. Chapter 3

“What time is it?” the brunette grumbled as she felt the sheets lift, seconds before the mattress dipped behind her. 

“Almost five” the familiar voice replied as kisses were ghosted to her neck, arms wrapping around her middle, hands splaying out over the bare skin of her stomach, “there's the beginnings of a beautiful sunrise out there.” 

“Mmm” the brunette groaned slightly as she shuffled back towards her love, making herself comfortable in her partner’s embrace. “Come?” 

“Of course” Bernie pulled herself to her feet again, taking the thin sheet off the bed, waiting for her partner to join her on the padded seat in the bay window of her bedroom, gesturing for the other woman to sit between her legs, wrapping the sheet around them both as the brunette leant back against her, linking their fingers together when Bernie's hands once again came to rest on her stomach. 

They sat in silence, watching the sky turn pink as the sun rose above the horizon, and it was the brunette who finally broke the peace, “is this it?” she finally asked. 

Bernie nodded even though the other woman couldn't see her, “yeah” she said softly, “it is.” 

There was another pause before the brunette gently squeezed Bernie's fingers, “good.” 

It had been six months since Bernie had bumped into Alex again, a completely chance meeting in Heathrow Airport, Bernie on her way back to Nairobi after saying a tearful, final, goodbye to Serena, Serena finally admitting that there was too much for her to leave behind in Holby, that, especially now Jason was a father, that she wouldn't be able to walk away and join Bernie in Kenya. Alex on her way back to her new home in Lisbon after a fleeting trip back to Holby for her Mum's birthday. 

A large thunderstorm lead to several flight delays, giving the two women time to find a quiet corner in the airport pub, a few whiskeys and plenty of time to talk things over, lay several demons to rest and begin to patch over the cracks in their relationship. 

They'd continued to rebuild their relationship, Skype calls and emails, Bernie spending the weekend after Alex’s birthday with her in Lisbon and Alex taking a 3 week sabbatical from work, joining Bernie in Nairobi when she needed someone to give extra training to the anaesthetists at the trauma hospital. 

It had been in Bernie's office in Nairobi that the two had shared their first kiss in longer than either of them cared to remember, a kiss that had led to them, once again, sitting down and talking about their relationship, Alex surprised by how open Bernie was, how unwilling she was to let the spark that had returned, die out. 

They'd both agreed that it would be difficult but not impossible to maintain a long distance relationship. Neither of them unwilling to try, but it had been Bernie who'd told Alex, “we hid what we had for so long. I want to be with you Al, and I mean that in a physical sense as well as being your partner.” 

It had been obvious from the start that it wouldn't be a good idea for Alex to move to Nairobi, after years of hiding their relationship in the army, the last thing they wanted to do was start hiding again, and despite talking themselves round in circles for hours, there was only one obvious solution. Bernie would move to Lisbon to live with Alex. 

Bernie had apologised to the hospital, told them she'd stay until the hospital was open and running smoothly but then she'd hand control over to her Kenyan colleagues and let them take over. 

It had taken Bernie just three trips to move her things. Rushed weekends where she and Alex only saw each other for a few hours, but somehow, as she sat in the bay window of the apartment, holding Alex in her arms, it all seemed worth it, even if their final reunion had come several hours later than planned, Alex’s desire to meet Bernie at the airport crushed by a six hour delay, Bernie making Alex promise she wouldn't wait up, reassuring her that she had a key and was perfectly capable of getting a taxi home. Home. 

“Did you sleep on the plane?” Alex murmured, her words half swallowed by a yawn. 

“A bit, maybe an hour or two.” 

Alex nodded and yawned again, her head falling back against Bernie's shoulder, “why aren't you tired?” she pouted. 

“I've been working all hours trying to get things sorted, I think I'm used to just grabbing a few minutes whenever I can.”

Alex nodded, “come to bed? Try and get some sleep?” 

“Okay” Bernie nodded, failing to hold back a smile as Alex stood and kissed her softly, “love you.” 

Alex returned the smile sleepily, “love you too” she grinned as she padded back over to the bed in just the grey boy shorts and black sports bra she’d slept in. 

Bernie didn't need any more prompting, bringing the sheet back over to the bed, not protesting at all when Alex’s warm body curled into her, but it didn't last long before Alex pulled away from her, Bernie not given chance to ask why before Alex tugged at the soft cotton of her t-shirt, “take this off?” she asked quietly. Bernie not needing to think before she tugged off her top and threw the fabric onto the floor “Mmm, hello” Alex chuckled quietly as she realised Bernie wasn't wearing anything underneath the t-shirt, her jeans and bra discarded in the bathroom, Bernie having wanted to try and get in bed without waking Alex. 

Bernie chuckled and shook her head, “I thought you wanted to sleep?” 

“I do” Alex yawned again, settling down with her head on Bernie's chest, “but when I wake up…”

“I'm all yours” Bernie promised as she began to play with Alex’s hair to help her doze off, “always.” 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's set as part of a massive AU that a friend and I created. I won't bore you with all the details, but you should probably know that Alex was pregnant when she and Bernie reunited and she and Bernie got married before the baby was born and are raising her together.
> 
> There may be more from this AU in the future!

“Bern” Alex mumbled sleepily as she answered her phone, a bleary eyed glance at the time telling her it was barely 4am, “is everything okay?”

“I didn't mean to wake you” Bernie whispered, “I thought it would go to voicemail, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“That's okay” Alex frowned slightly when she heard Bernie sniffle quietly, “are you on your break?”

Bernie had been understandably upset at the closure of her trauma unit on AAU so soon after it's opening, she'd built the unit up from the ground, put her blood sweat and tears into making it the best it possibly could be. She'd saved countless lives but it wasn't enough. The lives she was saving were costing the hospital too much money and the funding had been withdrawn.

Alex had been furious when she'd heard that all Bernie had been offered was a transfer to orthopedics and had supported her wife's resignation completely, promising her that her salary and their combined savings would be more than enough for them to live on whilst she looked for another job.

Luckily Bernie hadn't been unemployed for long. She'd spent less than six weeks at home fussing over their 4 month old daughter before finding another job, working alongside the ambulance service as part of a rapid response trauma unit. Bernie had hit the ground running in her new job, thriving from the unpredictability, from getting to work in the ‘field’ again, and for the first time in a long time, she relished the familiar surge of adrenaline she got each time she was called out to a shout.

“I've just been on an awful job” Bernie finally admitted. “There was, fuck Alex, there was…” she shook her head as she tried to get herself together, “it was a multi car RTC, 6 vehicles, most of the casualties were DOA, one of the cars had two kids in the back, they didn't make it Al. We were doing all we could and I could just hear the incident commander, the number of deceased patients just kept rising and rising” she whispered, “it was awful, I've never seen anything like it.” .

“Oh Bernie” Alex said softly, “I'm sorry love.”

“It's not… I just wanted to hear your voice.”

“That's okay” Alex suddenly felt wide awake now she knew why Bernie was calling her. She knew Bernie was tough, strong, but also knew that it was just a front, that Bernie sometimes struggled to switch off after a long day, knew that this would have hit her hard. “And I'm okay Bernie, and Jemima's okay too, we'll both be here waiting for you when you come home.”

“I know” Bernie sighed, I just…”

“It's okay love” Alex reassured her, “I get it. You wouldn't be human if you could see things like that and not be affected by it.”

“I'll have to go in a minute” Bernie told Alex, “we erm, we've got a debriefing and… God I wish I had a fag.”

“You know I wouldn't mind if…”

“No” Bernie shook her head, “I said when you were pregnant I wouldn't… I meant it.”

“Okay. Well when you get home Jemima and I will make sure there's a brew and plenty of cuddles waiting for you.”

“Thanks” Bernie took a shaky breath, holding up her index finger when a colleague came to tell her they were ready to start the debrief, “I've got to go now but I, I love you Al, and give Jemima a kiss from me please.”

“I will Alex promised, and we love you too Darling” Alex told her, “you be careful yeah? And I'll see you soon.”

“See you soon” Bernie nodded wearily, telling Alex again that she loved her and their daughter before saying goodbye and heading inside to the meeting room.

She spent almost an hour in the meeting room, surrounded by copious amounts of tea and biscuits as she and other senior staff talked through the incident, thanked the paramedic crews for all their hard work and reassuring them that, whilst the outcome hadn't been good, they'd done everything they could, that the injuries the casualties had sustained had been catastrophic, that no amount of treatment would have changed the outcome

Bernie had seen similar, and worse, injuries in the battlefield but it was almost to be expected in a warzone and she knew incidents like this weren't the norm for the paramedics beside her. She understood that for some of them, it would be the first time they'd seen anything so traumatic and she took her time to reassure them, to comfort them and encourage them to talk about the incident, both with each other and with the professionals they were all entitled to contact. Some of the crews seemed visibly shaken by what they'd seen, some of the paramedics younger than Charlotte, and Bernie made sure to remind them it was okay to need time to process, that control wouldn't mind giving them time to get themselves together before going out on their next shout.

As Bernie already knew though, medics are a resilient bunch, and when asked, everyone agreed that they were fine to go back to work and they'd barely finished the debrief when she was called out to her next shout, another RTC, only this time just the one casualty, a drunk driver who'd hit a wall, and as she stepped from the response car at the scene, the man's language reassured her that he was very much still alive.

Luckily the rest of her shift passed smoothly and almost before she knew it, she was sat in her car, sending a quick text to Alex, letting her know she was on her way home before beginning the familiar drive back to her family.

She sat in the car for a minute once she'd pulled onto the drive, intending to take some time to compose herself, but the need to be close to her wife and daughter soon won out and she forced herself out of the car towards the front door.

A wave of exhaustion hit her as soon as the door closed behind her, it was as if her body knew that she was safe now, that she didn't need to hide any more, that she could fall apart if she needed to and Alex would be there to catch her.

“Morning Love” Alex hadn't really slept much after Bernie's phone call and she'd only been dozing when she got Bernie's text, so she'd decided to get up and make herself useful, “here you go” she handed over a steaming mug of tea and kissed her wife's temple, “drink that and have a shower yeah? Jemima's waiting in our bed for you and I'll bring you some toast up.”

Bernie smiled tiredly and kissed Alex's lips, the simple contact with her wife relaxing her more than she could ever have imagined. “Have I told you I love you?”

“Not in the last five minutes no” Alex smiled, stealing another kiss before gesturing in the direction of the stairs, “go on, before you fall asleep on your feet.”

Bernie trudged up the stairs as Alex headed back into the kitchen to make her wife some toast. She wasn't sure she had the energy for a shower but also knew she'd feel better for washing the grime of the day from her skin.

She sat on the edge of the bed for a moment, watching her daughter sleep before dropping a gentle kiss to her forehead, “sweet dreams little one” she whispered before pulling off her clothes and making her way into the ensuite.

It didn't take her long to shower and she couldn't help but smile when she saw Alex had beaten her back to bed, “here” Alex gestured to the space beside her where she'd laid out underwear and an old tshirt for Bernie to change into, “get comfortable, we've got no plans for today so we don't have to leave the bed if you don't want to.”

Bernie nodded as she pulled the tshirt over her head and slipped under the duvet, thanking Alex as she was passed the plate of toast, “you know there was a time when I wouldn't have expected that offer to start with a plate of toast” she chuckled.

Alex rolled her eyes, “some things never change.”

“I love you Al” Bernie said sincerely, “that won't ever change”

“I know” Alex kissed Bernie's temple, “I love you too”

Bernie lifted Jemima into her arms once she'd finished her toast, curling into her wife as she cradled her daughter close, her eyes closing as the tension from the shift she'd just worked, finally began to leave her body.

“I've got you” Alex kissed her hair, “you don't need to be strong any more love, not for me.”

“I know” Bernie said softly, “but I'm okay, just tired.”

“Get some sleep then” Alex said as she began twirling a blonde curl around her fingers, “we're not going anywhere.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” 


	5. Driving Home for Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this as a Christmas present for someone a couple of years ago and now seemed a great time to share it. It's set in the same AU as the last oneshot!

**Driving Home For Christmas**

Bernie sighed and tapped her fingers against the steering wheel in frustration, it had been an hour and she’d moved less than 10 miles, she could kill Hanssen right now, she couldn’t believe he’d insisted she went on a course that only finished at 8pm on the 23rd of December.  She’d wanted to head home straight away but a heavy snowfall and a long conversation with Alex had seen Bernie promise she wouldn’t drive back from Leeds until the next day, and that was how she found herself sat on the motorway in the biggest queue of traffic she’d ever seen on Christmas Eve when all she wanted to do was get home to her partner and their daughter.

She swore under her breath as Chris Rea’s voice began taunting her through the radio, he might have been driving home for Christmas and ‘moving down that line’, but Bernie currently wasn’t going anywhere, she turned down the radio before tapping the buttons on her steering wheel, the hands free system in her car calling Alex’s mobile, “How’s it going?” Alex asked, she’d been keeping an eye on the weather forecast, her heart sinking each time she saw the snowfalls that would make Bernie’s journey home longer and more difficult.

“Three hours and I’ve not even made it to Sheffield” Bernie sighed, “the M1’s at a complete standstill.”

Alex sighed and glanced at her watch, 9.30, Bernie might have promised not to drive back in the middle of the night but she’d been sure to leave as early as she could that morning, “it’s still early, you’ll have been sat in rush hour too, why don’t you stop at the next services and see what it’s like in half an hour or so?”

“I’m going to have to stop soon for petrol but I don’t want to stop for too long, I’d rather just keep going, I want to try and be home for Jem’s bedtime.”

“I know you do Love” Alex said softly, “but I’d rather you came home in one piece, did you eat before you left the hotel?” Bernie’s silence told her everything she needed to know, “Bern, you need to stop and eat something, promise me, promise

me that when you stop for petrol you’ll eat something, and I don’t mean grabbing a bag of crisps to eat as you drive, take a break and get something proper to eat.”

Bernie nodded even though she knew Alex couldn’t see her, “I think there’s a services in another couple of junctions” she said, lifting her foot slightly on the clutch as the car in front rolled forwards a few yards, “if I ever make it I’ll stop there” she said as she heard a quiet wail in the background.

“Okay” Alex balanced the phone between her shoulder and her ear as she lifted Jemima from her play mat, “Jem needs changing, will you call me when you stop?” she asked as she gently bounced the baby.

“Of course, and give Jem a kiss for me.”  She smiled as she heard Alex kiss the baby in her arms, “I love you”

“We love you too, drive safely yeah?”

“Of course, see you later” she said, ending the call and beginning to fiddle with the radio, hoping the traffic would start to move soon.

It was another hour and half before Bernie finally pulled into the services, the snow had begun falling again and visibility was almost zero so Bernie reasoned that, even if she hadn’t promised Alex she’d stop, now was a good time to take a break in hope that the snow would soon stop.

She called Alex as she sat down at a table in the food court, “I made it to the services” she said as Alex answered the call.

“Good” Alex smiled, “are you eating something?”

“I’ve got a fruit salad and a yoghurt and granola thing.”

“I’m glad to hear it, how’s the weather?”

“Awful” Bernie sighed, “the snow’s barely stopped, I’ve passed four accidents already.”

“Be careful” Alex said softly, “I have to say I’m glad you’ve got a decent car now.”

Bernie laughed, one of the first things they’d done when they’d found out Alex was pregnant, had been to swap her little sports car for something more suitable for a family, something the three of them could all fit in, with room for the huge car seat their tiny baby needed.  “Yeah, me too” Bernie laughed.

“Bern” Alex said softly, the tone of her voice telling Bernie that Alex had something serious to say, “I’ve been thinking and I want you to promise me something.”

“Go on” Bernie said as she crunched on a chunk of apple.

“If erm, if the weather gets really bad, or if it gets late and you’re still miles away, promise me you’ll find a hotel, I don’t want you risking your life to get home.”

“It’s Jem’s first Christmas” Bernie said softly, “and our first Christmas together, properly together.”

“Jem won’t know if we don’t celebrate until Boxing day, and I’ll rather you got here in one piece and a little later than planned than not at all.”

Bernie nodded, even though  Alex couldn’t see her, “I’m going to keep going unless it gets to the point where I can’t see to drive, and I’ll see how far I get by 8, hopefully I’ll be close enough to make it home.”

“Just be safe Love, that’s all I want.”

“I know you do, look, the snow’s starting to ease off so I’m going to sell my soul to get some petrol and then try and make a move.”

“Okay, Good Luck, drive safely.”

“I will, I love you.”

“I love you too” Alex said before sighing and flopping back against the cushions when Bernie ended the call.  She took a moment before picking up her phone and calling Serena, wanting to give her the heads up that their plans might have to change, they’d arranged for her and Jason to come around on boxing day so that Serena could see Jemima, the baby she absolutely adored.  She spoke to Serena for a while, explaining that Bernie was stuck in traffic and might not make it home for Christmas, Serena’s blood boiling as she spoke to Alex, she couldn’t believe Bernie had been sent to the conference anyway so soon after Alex had had Jemima. She herself had offered to go, even Raf had tried to suggest it might be good for him to learn more about treating trauma injuries but Hanssen had been insistent that Bernie should be the one to represent the hospital and now she might miss her daughter’s first Christmas. No. Serena wasn’t happy at all and, as soon as she finished her phone call with Alex she stormed up to the CEO’s office intending to let him know just how annoyed she was.

The longer Bernie sat in traffic, the more frustrated she got, any other day should have been home hours ago, she should be eating dinner with Alex now, ready to bath Jemima and tuck her into bed, they’d even bought a copy of ‘the night before Christmas’ to read to her as they settled her down.  It was times like this Bernie wished she could have a smoke but she’d promised Alex that she’d quit for Jemima’s sake and she wasn’t one to go back on her promises. Instead she pulled into the next services she saw, taking ten minutes to stretch her legs and grab a quick coffee before hitting the road once again.

Alex glanced at the clock, 7.30, it was about the time they usually began settling Jemima down for bed, first with bathtime and then Bernie would read her a story as Alex fed her, the infant usually falling asleep long before the story finished but it didn’t matter, they wanted to get her used to the routine and Alex would do everything in her power to help Bernie bond with Jemima.

“Half an hour” Alex whispered to the baby who was slowly drifting off to sleep in her arms, “half an hour to see if Mum gets home and then we’ll put you to bed.”  Another half an hour passed, 8pm, Alex took her phone upstairs with her as she bathed Jemima, she knew Bernie was going to make her decision about whether she’d make it home at 8pm and Alex didn’t want to miss her call.

As 10pm rolled around Alex began to worry, Bernie hadn’t called her and Alex’s calls were going straight to voicemail, it had been almost 6 hours since she’d last spoken to her partner, the snow had barely stopped falling, Alex hadn’t been outside but she’d guess the snow was at least knee height, the tyres of her own car had been buried hours ago. “Don’t be silly” she told herself, “it’s Bernie, she’s indestructible, she’ll be fine.” she tried to reassure herself.

11pm ticked closer and Alex considered going up to bed, Jemima would be wanting a feed in about an hour, but Alex knew she wouldn’t sleep,  there was no way she’d settle until she knew Bernie was safe, either safe at home or safe in a hotel somewhere. She called Bernie again at 11.30, her heart sinking as once again the call went to voicemail, “where are you Bern?” she whispered as she slipped her phone back into her pocket.

She waited until 11.50 before heading upstairs but she’d barely made it halfway up the staircase when she heard something outside, she froze before frowning when she heard the distinct sound of a key trying to turn in the stiff lock.  She made her way back down the stairs, her heart soaring when she heard Bernie mumble “for fuck’s sake.” She always struggled to open the lock.

“Bern” Alex gasped as she flung open the door.

“Merry Christmas” Bernie smiled tiredly as she stepped into the house, dropping her holdall and handbag onto the floor along with another bag, full of the presents she’d bought during one of her free evenings.

“Bern” Alex reached for her hand, “fuck you’re freezing.”

“Better cold than never right?” Bernie asked, slipping off her coat, hat and gloves.

“And your jeans” Alex commanded.

“I beg your pardon” Bernie raised one eyebrow as she began unlacing her boots, “can you not let me get some sleep first? I’ve been driving for over 12 hours.”

“They’re soaking wet, take them off, I’ll go and run you a bath to try and warm you up a bit.”

Bernie nodded, “thanks Love.”

Alex checked on Jemima once Bernie was in the bath, happy that the baby was still fast asleep, she went downstairs and made Bernie a mug of tea and two slices of toast, “Bern” Alex thought of something as she handed them over, “where’s your car?” Alex was sure she’d have heard Bernie’s car pull up outside,  although she wasn’t sure Bernie would have been able to get anywhere near the house. She saw Bernie bite her lip, “Bernie” she knew the blonde was hiding from her.

“I erm, I managed to make it as far as Serena’s, I’ve left her my keys in case she needs to move it.”

Alex raised her eyebrow, “you walked here from Serena’s?” Bernie bit her lip again, “Bernie that’s almost 5 miles.”

“I made it from Leeds, I wasn’t going to let the last 5 miles beat me,.  I did think about spending the night at Serena’s so I could surprise you in the morning, she offered me Elinor’s room but…” she shrugged.

“But what?” Alex asked softly.

“I thought, if it snows more in the night and I couldn’t make it here, being 5 miles away would probably be harder than being 500 miles away from you, and you’ve been on your own with Jemima for the past 5 days, I thought I could get up with her tonight, sort of like a bonus Christmas present.”

Alex reached out and gently stroked Bernie’s cheek, “you don’t have to do that Love, you must be tired too after your journey” she glanced at her phone, “you left the hotel almost 18 hours ago.”

“I’ll be okay” Bernie assured her, “and I, I’ve erm, I’ve missed her, missed you both, a lot more than I thought I would.”

Alex smiled, “we’ve both missed you too.”

“She’ll be ready for a feed soon” Bernie said softly.

“I know” Alex nodded, “why don’t I get her that book you bought, I’ll do this last feed and you can read her the story, then when she wakes in the night you can see to her?”

“Yeah” Bernie nodded, thanking Alex as she was handed a towel, “that sounds like a good idea.”

“I’ll go and get your pyjamas out and get Jem’s book” Alex smiled, stealing another kiss before heading back into the bedroom, leaving Bernie to dry herself and get ready for bed.

Alex was already in bed when Bernie came into the room, under the covers on Bernie’s side of the bed, Jemima snuffling quietly as she was fed.

Bernie pulled on her pyjamas before slipping into Alex’s side of the bed, “hello Beautiful” she gently kissed Jemima’s head, “I’ve missed you” she said softly, “and I’ve got a special story for you because you did so well looking after your Mummy for me” she said, smiling over at Alex before picking up the book and quietly beginning to read, “Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there…”

By the time she’d finished reading, both Jemima and Alex had fallen asleep, curled into Bernie.  “Come on you” she carefully lifted Jemima from Alex’s loose hold, kissing her head and holding her close for a moment before settling her in the open sided crib next to the bed and tucking the covers around her, “Merry Christmas” she whispered, gently stroking Jemima’s cheek before kissing Alex’s temple and gently pulling her to lay down, pulling the duvet up over them both, “and merry Christmas to you too my Darling” she said, quietly, listening to the quiet breaths of both  Alex and Jemima for a minute or two before letting her own eyes flutter closed, content to be back home with her family.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A happy little New Years Eve oneshot inspired by Jess Glynne - All I am. I haven't proofread this one so I apologise now for any mistakes!

**All I Am**

 

 **_Every butterfly I get belongs to you  
_ ** **_You don't believe me, but it's true  
_ ** **_Sure, the freckles on my arm spell out your name  
_ ** **_Real feelings coming through_ ** **_  
_ ** **_'Cause all I know and all I am is you_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_Yeah, all I know and all I am is you_**

Bernie rolled her eyes as the karaoke started up again, Albies on New Year’s Eve was not her first choice of places to be, but Alex had wanted to go to the party being thrown for the staff lucky enough to not be working, and, as she and Alex had both worked an early shift, and had New Year’s day off, Bernie had given in, had told Alex that of course they could go to the party.

She glanced at her watch, less than half an hour to go, and she briefly wondered how soon after midnight she’d be able to leave.  The bar was full of people, all who seemed a lot drunker than her, and, whilst she didn’t mind the loud music even though she didn’t recognise most of the songs, she wondered who on earth had decided to let a bar full of drunken medics loose on a karaoke machine!

Bernie’s heart skipped a beat at the first word of the song.  She’d recognise that voice anywhere, smiling to herself as she turned to the makeshift stage, confirming what she already knew. Alex.  The brunette had been more than a little bit tipsy when she’d mumbled ‘toilet’ to excuse herself from the bar where Bernie had been talking to Fletch, Bernie having had no idea that the alcohol Alex had consumed that night was more for courage than anything else, she’d been working herself up to do this since the moment they’d walked through the door.

 **_I'm breaking my silence_ ** **_  
_ ** **_'Cause I've had a few_ ** **_  
_ ** **_I just can't deny it_ ** **_  
_ ** ******_That all I know and all I am is you_**

Bernie’s heart skipped a beat, she and Alex had rekindled their romance several months ago, but, as Alex had just secured herself a permanent job at Holby, she’s asked Bernie that they didn’t make things public, not straight away, she didn’t want people thinking she’d got the job purely because she was Bernie’s partner and Bernie had understood that and respected Alex’s request to keep their relationship quiet.

She chanced a glance at the stage, her heart swelling with love as she caught Alex’s eye, the brunette grinning and winking at her as she sang, Bernie thinking back to the first time she’d heard Alex sing, in the showers by the gym area at the base they were stationed at, she’d been blown away by her voice, and from the way the level of conversation had dropped and the amount of people just watching Alex sing, she wasn’t the only one surprised by the anaesthetist's hidden talent.

They’d spoken about their relationship, Bernie telling Alex that after the time they’d spent hiding whilst in the Army, she was ready to be open, to be honest.  Alex knew the ball was firmly in her court, that when she felt comfortable revealing their relationship, Bernie would be happy too, but neither of the ever imagined this would be how she’d ‘out’ them.

 **_Every time I think I'm falling_ ** **_  
_ ** **_I know you're falling too_ ** **_  
_ ** **_There's no doubt you're all in_ ** **_  
_ ** **_If you ever think you're falling_ ** **_  
_ ** **_You know I'll catch you too_ ** **_  
_ ** ****_' **Cause all I am is you**_

Alex kept her eyes locked with Bernie’s as she sang, a smile on both their faces.  It had taken them a while to rebuild their relationship, Bernie had left Marcus the night after Alex’s locum shift, and, although they began spending time together, Bernie had insisted that she didn’t want their relationship to be anything more than friendly until her divorce had been finalised, Bernie taking Alex out for dinner, for their first proper date the day her divorce papers arrived in the post.

They’d taken things slowly this time, there was no need to rush, both women knowing that the other wasn’t going anywhere, that they had all the time in the world to build their relationship. They’d enjoyed the little things, things they hadn’t been able to do whilst in the army, date nights, curling up on the sofa together, strolling through the park hand in hand. They’d enjoyed lazy duvet days, days and nights out together where they’d done nothing but enjoy each other’s company.

Bernie giving up her flat and moving into Alex’s house seemed like a natural progression in their relationship, Bernie was spending almost every night at Alex’s anyway and it seemed silly for her to be paying rent and utility bills for a place she rarely used, so, despite the nerves about how ‘real’ living together would make things, they took the step, Bernie handed in her notice to her landlord and packed up her few possessions, Alex’s house feeling more like home than anywhere Bernie had ever lived before.

 **_Every daydream I have starts and ends with you_ ** **_  
_ ** **_I wanna play it one more time_ ** **_  
_ ** **_When I need an alibi, you're my perfect excuse_ ** **_  
_ ** **_You are always on my side_ ** **_  
_ ** **_'Cause all I know and all I am is you_ ** **_  
_**

Some days Alex still felt like she was dreaming, like none of this could be true.  She was sure she’d wake up one morning to find herself alone in bed, still picking up locum shifts, or, even worse, still in her bunk in Afghanistan, with no idea whether or not Bernie had made it through her surgery. But it was real, she woke up most mornings, shifts permitting, to Bernie in bed beside her, she got to hold her, to kiss her, whenever she wanted to and she was sick of hiding it. Bernie was the best thing in her life and she wanted everyone to know that.

Bernie frequently found herself wondering why it had taken her so long, why she hadn’t been ‘brave’ enough sooner. Alex was all she’d ever wanted.  She was Bernie’s rock, her constant. Alex had been the first person to ‘get’ Bernie. She’d been in the same warzones, knew the battles Bernie faced, knew the scars their time in the army had left behind, both on her body and in her mind.  She’d kissed each of her physical scars and helped heal the mental ones, encouraging Bernie to speak to a therapist about the mild PTSD the trauma surgeon had diagnosed in herself, she’d helped her lay her demons to rest and promised to be by her side as they built their new life together.

 **_It feels like I'm miles away  
_ ** **_You bring me back home again  
_ ** **_You hold me through my mistakes  
_ ** **_Let go as we start again  
_ ** ******_You're a habit I'll never break_**

Alex could think of nothing she wanted more than to spend her life with Bernie, the relationship they had like none Alex had ever experienced before.  They were honest with each other, they were open. She’d been surprised at first, the Bernie who called her a few days after her locum shift so different to the Bernie she’d known before.  This Bernie seemed freer somehow, no longer wanting to hide away. She wanted Alex, wanted all of her, wanted everything she had to offer, everything that a future together could hold for them.  This Bernie was willing to talk through her problems, her worries, she didn’t want to run away or hide from life when things weren’t simple. She wanted a relationship with Alex and she’d do whatever she could to make that happen.

Bernie grounded her, her time in the army had left her with her own scars, her mental health scarred by the IED, by dragging Bernie’s lifeless body from the wreck of their jeep, but Bernie didn’t mind, she didn’t mind at all, not even on the nights where Alex woke in a cold sweat and all Bernie could do was hold her and reassure her, promise her that she was okay.  That they were both okay.

 **_I'm breaking my silence  
_ ** **_'Cause I've had a few  
_ ** **_I just can't deny it (oh, no)  
_ ** ******_That all I know and all I am is you_**

Bernie saw the flush on Alex’s cheeks as the song came to an end, their colleagues clapping and cheering at the best performance all evening, although Bernie assumed she was more than a little bit biased with her opinion.  She saw Alex stepping off the stage and managed to order another pint, having the beer ready as Alex came over to her, “well?” she asked nervously, suddenly wondering if she should have told Bernie what she was planning before getting on the stage.

“I love you” Bernie smiled, tucking a stray strand of Alex’s hair behind her ear.

Alex couldn’t hold back her smile as she kissed Bernie’s lips, “I love you too.”

 **_'Cause all I know and all I am is you  
_ ** **_Yeah, all I know and all I am is you_ **

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I was planning on taking this further than I actually did, hence the slightly abrupt ending, but I can't remember where I was going with it so I'm just going to share it as it is!

“Morning” Alex smiled as she looked up to find Serena entering the room, “sleep well?”

“Yes thank you” Serena smiled, “and I appreciated the water and paracetamol, I’ve left the pyjamas on the bed” she said as she hovered in the doorway, not sure if she was interrupting something.

“You can come in you know” Bernie finally spoke, “sit down, make yourself comfortable, Al’s going to make breakfast soon if you feel up to eating.”

“Yes, thank you” Serena repeated as she perched on the edge of the armchair, “that would be most appreciated.”

“Help yourself to coffee” Alex said as she gestured to the cafetiere on the table beside a small jug of milk and a sugar pot.  Serena noticing that there were three mugs on the table made her relax slightly, they’d expected her not to race out of the door that morning despite the scene she’d walked in on.

Her memories of the previous night were hazy, she remembered going out for a meal with some of the others for Hansen’s birthday, the suggestion that they went onto a bar after the restaurant, vaguely remembering Alex joining them in the bar after her shift at St James’.  She remembered a lot of shiraz, some whiskey and then Alex and Bernie almost carrying her into a taxi and then not a lot more until she’d woken about an hour ago, but only recently finding the energy to change out of the pyjamas Alex and Bernie had changed her into the night before and make her way downstairs, assuming she was in their house.

She’d been right, she’d found them both sat on the sofa, still in their pyjamas, but she’d never expected to find Bernie curled into Alex, Alex’s arm around Bernie’s shoulder, the no-nonsense consultant tucked right into her lover as they read the paper together, Bernie’s mug discarded on the coffee table after her first coffee, choosing instead to simply drink Alex’s.  It was something they were both used to, apart from their first mug of the day, it was rare for one of them to make a coffee without the other one having at least one sip from it.

“I’m sorry” Serena frowned, suddenly realising Alex was speaking to her, “what did you say?”

“I asked how you liked your eggs, fried, scrambled, poached?”

“Poached would be lovely if it’s not too much trouble” Serena noticed the amused look on Bernie’s face as she spoke, wondering what was causing the consultant’s playful smirk.

“It’s not, it’s how Bern likes them too” Alex smiled softly, dropping a kiss to her partner’s forehead, “I’ll go and make a start breakfast now.”

“Thank you” Serena smiled, “would you like a hand.”

“No, no, it’s fine, you just relax.” 

“Al” Bernie gently grabbed her wrist as she stood up.

Alex smiled knowing exactly what Bernie was going to ask, “yes, I’ll make hash browns for you, and not too much bean juice, I know.”

“Thank you” Bernie smiled and softly tugged on Alex’s wrist, hoping she got the hint.  She did, leaning down and kissing Bernie’s lips before heading off into the kitchen to make a start on breakfast.  Bernie folded the paper once Alex had left, placing it on the coffee table before looking over at Serena, seeing the smirk on her face even though she was drinking her coffee. “Go on” she raised one eyebrow, “say it.”

“Say what?”

“Whatever it is about Alex and I that’s got you so amused.”

“I’m not amused” Serena said truthfully, “surprised maybe, but not amused.”

“Surprised?”

Serena nodded and sipped at her mug, appreciating the aroma of what was obviously very expensive coffee, “well, for a start I never imagined you’d be the little spoon.”

Now it was Bernie’s turn to smirk, “imagine me spooning often do you?”

Serena almost choked on her coffee, “No” she spluttered, “I meant that, I, you…”

Bernie chuckled, “It’s fine.  I know what you mean, you thought the big macho army doctor would spend her days off abseiling and not cuddling with her partner?”

Serena took another sip from her mug, “something like that yes.”

“I’ll let you in on a little secret” Bernie winked playfully as she picked up the mug Alex had left on the coffee table, “Away from the hospital...and the battlefield, I’m a very different person, especially where Alex is concerned.”

“And in the pub after a shift?” Serena queried.

Bernie thought for a moment, “middle of the road.”

Serena smiled and nodded, “well, you don’t need to worry about everyone finding out you like to cuddle, I won’t be saying anything.”

“I know” Bernie nodded, “I’d have moved when I heard you coming downstairs if I’d have been worried about you gossiping.”

“It’s nice to see you finally happy, after everything” Serena said, leaning forward to place her, now empty mug on the table.

Bernie smiled, “it’s nice to finally feel happy, settled. Alex is, she’s my rock, she always has been, it’s like there’s a part of me that I didn’t even realise was missing til I found myself back in her arms.  She’s the only thing I’ve ever needed, the only thing I feel like I’ll ever need. I only wish I’d been brave enough admit that years ago.”

“You can’t change what’s happened in the past” Serena said sincerely, “what matters is that you’re brave enough now, and that you continue to be brave in the future.”

“I was stupid enough to let her go twice” Bernie said softly, “once when I went back to Marcus and again when she came back to Holby, “and I was lucky enough for her to give me a third chance. I don’t plan on letting her go again.”

“I’m very glad to hear that” neither Serena or Bernie had heard Alex come back into the room, Serena excusing herself to the bathroom as Alex sat on the sofa beside Bernie and gently tucked her hair behind her ears.

“Al” Bern whispered.

“Bern” Alex’s lips ghosted over Bernie’s, “this needs to stop” she whispered, gently stroking Bernie’s cheek as their eyes locked, “what happened in the past, that’s where it stays okay.  This, we agreed, this was a new start Love, just you and me, nothing and no one else matters.”

“I know.”

“You need to stop beating yourself up about what you’ve done in the past Bern, Serena’s right, all that matters now is our future, our future together.”

“I love you Al.”

Alex kissed Bernie softly, “I love you too Bern” she let her forehead gently fall against Bernie’s, “and that’s all that matters my Love.”  Bernie gently put her hand on Alex’s cheek, smiling as she felt gentle kisses pressed against her fingertips. Alex held Bernie in her embrace for a moment before softly telling her, “breakfast’s nearly ready, I was just coming to get the cafetiere so I could make some more coffee.”

“I’ll come through with you, we can eat at the table”

“Okay” Alex smiled, her fingers slipping between Bernie’s as they walked the short distance from the living room to the kitchen.

Serena stood in the kitchen doorway just watching the pair when she returned from the bathroom.  The couple moved effortlessly around the room, the fact they’d spent so long both living and working together obvious from how they danced around one another, passing things between them without a word, both knowing instinctively what the other needed. She couldn’t help but smile as she saw the subtle signs of affection, Alex’s hand on Bernie’s hip as she reached around her for a plate, Bernie’s fingers lingering longer than necessary on Alex’s when she passed something over.  Serena saw the stolen glances, the smiles that they shared, both tucked up in their happy little bubble, oblivious to anyone and anything else.

Serena cleared her throat to let the women know she was there, “is there anything I can do to help?” she asked as she watched Bernie lay the table, Alex carefully plating up the food.

“I don’t think so” Alex smiled.

“Actually” Bernie looked up, “you could grab the mugs from the living room if you don’t mind?”

“No, of course not” Serena smiled, leaving the two women alone and heading back into the living room.

Bernie took the opportunity to kiss Alex’s lips, “I love you.”

Alex smiled before turning to grab the plates, “I love you too.”

“Tuck in” Bernie gestured to the plate when Serena returned, “I can’t explain what it is about them, but nothing beats one of Alex’s breakfasts to soak up last night’s alcohol.”

"It’s probably because you don’t have to cook it” Alex teased before telling Bernie, “anything more than beans on toast is a bit beyond Bern.”

“Hey” Bernie gasped, playfully slapping Alex’s thigh, smiling softly at her partner and letting her hand slide down towards Alex’s knee before going back to her breakfast, “she’s right though, I never had to cook when I was in the army, and when I was home, Marcus was so used to cooking for him and the kids that I never… they make good ready meals these days, it seemed pointless to get out all the pots and pans just to cook for myself.”

“I’ll drink to that” Serena lifted her mug as if she was making a toast, “and they’re much more convenient after a 12 hour shift, I can be drinking shiraz and eating a lasagne 10 minutes after I walk in the door. I think I’d have to live on beans on toast if I couldn’t get ready meals.”

“She cooks on her day off” Bernie nodded her head towards Alex, “makes us things we can just warm up after work.”

“Homemade ready meals, you should get that on Dragon’s Den.”

Alex laughed, “no thanks, I think I’ll stick to anaesthetics.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was written as a birthday present for a friend, it implies that Bernie and Alex are happily in a polyamorous relationship with Kate Fleming (from Line of Duty) so if that's not your thing then maybe it's best to skip this one. Other than that it's just a fluffy domestic little oneshot!

“Do you think she'll come home?” Bernie asked as she placed two mugs on the coffee table and sat down beside Alex. 

“I don't know” Alex shrugged, “it depends what's happening.” 

It wasn't the first time Kate's work had meant she'd stayed out all night unexpectedly, but it was the first time Bernie had experienced it. A simple,  _ ‘At AC-12, I'm fine but I could be here all night, don't worry. Love you both xx’  _ text sent to Alex at around midnight meant that they weren't worried about her safety, and, although the first time all three of them shared a day off in longer than they could remember had now been ruined, Bernie and Alex knew Kate was only doing her job and she'd be home when she could. 

It was almost 11am when Bernie and Alex heard the door open, “Kate?” Alex called, “that you?” 

A quiet “yeah” was the only reply, both Bernie and Alex able to tell just from that one word that Kate was exhausted. 

“Are you…” Alex didn't even know what she was asking as she walked out into the hallway. 

“Knackered” Kate sighed, “don't suppose there's any coffee going is there?” she asked as she failed to hold back a yawn. 

“Come on” Alex took Kate's hand and led her through to the kitchen where Bernie was already waiting for them. 

“I said I'd go back in later, about 6 or 7” Kate sighed as she let Alex lead her over to the kitchen table and sat in the chair her partner pulled out for her, “hopefully it'll only be for a couple of hours tonight though” she said, not sure if she could make it through another long night. She thanked Alex as a mug was placed into her hands before frowning as she saw the contents of the mug, “this isn't coffee” she said as she turned to look up at Alex

“No” Alex confirmed before kissing Kate's nose. “It's chamomile tea. I know you like it so don't even try and tell me you don't, if you have a coffee now you won't sleep.”

“I don't think I'll sleep anyway” Kate admitted thanking Bernie as a place of toast was put on the table in front of her, a layer of strawberry jam spread thickly over the bread. 

“Well you're at least going to try” Alex told Kate as she sat beside her, reaching out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind Kate's ear, hearing her sigh as Bernie began to massage her tense shoulders. “Drink your tea, eat your toast and then we can all go upstairs and you can try and get some rest before you go back to work.” 

Kate nodded, too tired to argue even though she knew she was too worked up, too wired to sleep even if she wanted to, her mind buzzing as it thought over all the details from the case she'd been working on, desperately trying to fix the pieces together and work out what the hell was going on and who was to blame. 

Despite her protests, both Bernie and Alex could see Kate was struggling to keep herself awake, her head lolling forwards occasionally as her eyes fluttered shut for the briefest of moments. “Come on” Bernie gently squeezed Kate's shoulders once she saw that she'd finished her toast, “let's get you to bed.” 

“I don't know if I'll be able to switch off yet” Kate sighed, but didn't protest when she was helped to her feet and led upstairs. 

“That's okay” Alex reassured her. “We can just lay down for half an hour or so if you can't sleep, you need to get some rest though.” 

Bernie passed Kate some pyjamas once they were in the bedroom, kissing her hair and telling her, “we'll wait here for you, come out when you're ready.” Kate simply nodding in response before she trudged through to the ensuite, too tired to even think about arguing with her partners. 

“She's exhausted” Alex sighed once the door had clicked shut behind Kate. 

“I know” Bernie wrapped her arms around Alex's waist, Alex's head falling onto Bernie's shoulder. 

“I hope she manages to get some sleep” Alex frowned worrying about Kate, they all had demanding jobs, there was no questioning that, but sometimes, with her undercover work and her job at AC-12, it was almost as off Kate was working two full time jobs and both Bernie and Alex worried about Kate burning out from the pressure. 

“She will” Bernie said softly, “she was nearly asleep at the table. Now why don't you turn the radio on and I'll close the blinds?”

Alex nodded, knowing that all three of them slept better after a night shift if there was a little bit of background noise, and moved to turn on the radio, tuned to a talk channel, that sat on top of the chest of drawers, making sure the volume was loud enough to be heard, but not too loud to distract Kate from sleep. 

Even though she was exhausted, Kate couldn't help but smile when she came back into the bedroom to see Bernie and Alex waiting for her on the bed, the blackout blinds had been drawn and the room was lit only by a small bedside lamp. “Come on” Alex said softly, patting the space she and Bernie had left between them. “Come and get comfortable.” 

Kate sighed happily as she settled herself in the middle of the bed, laid on her side, knees curled to her chest, one arm under her head. It was how she always fell asleep, but both Bernie and Alex both knew that she wouldn't stay that way for long, that as soon as she was asleep, Kate would roll almost instinctively onto her stomach, limbs sprawling across the bed. 

“Close your eyes” Bernie said softly as she wrapped her arm around Kate from behind, placing a soft kiss to her shoulder blade before settling down herself. 

Alex nodded in agreement and brushed Kate's hair back from her face, “get some rest love, I won't set an alarm, but we'll wake you in time to eat something before you go to work” she promised. 

“And shower” Kate mumbled, already fighting to stay awake, “I want to have a shower too before I go back in.” 

“Okay Darling” Alex kissed her gently, “we'll make sure you've got time to shower too.” 

“Kay” Kate whispered as she finally gave into the exhaustion she’d been fighting all night, and, despite her earlier protests, fell into a peaceful slumber.

Bernie and Alex laid with Kate for a while, holding her closely, Bernie rubbing circles gently on her hip, Alex humming quietly, both women wanting to be sure that Kate wouldn't wake. 

“I think she's gone” Alex said a while later, Kate had been asleep for quite a while, she and Bernie both knew that but neither woman had been bothered about leaving Kate, both happy to lay with her as she slept.

“I'm glad” Bernie smiled as she followed Alex's lead and stood from the bed, chuckling when, just as expected, Kate rolled over onto her stomach, limbs stretching out into the empty bed. 

“Come on” Alex took hold of Bernie's hand, “let's leave her to sleep.”

“And what exactly are we going to do while Kate sleeps all day?” Bernie asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“Well” Alex smirked as she walked downstairs, hand in hand with Bernie, “I'm sure we can think of something…” 


	9. Chapter 9

“Wh’s wrong?” Alex mumbled sleepily into the darkness, shuffling closer to Bernie, wrapping her arms around her partner and kissing the bare skin of her shoulder as she played the big spoon.

“Sorry” Bernie whispered, putting her hands on top of Alex’s, feeling the warmth of the other woman’s body against her back, her breathing slowing to match her partner’s.

“Don't be” Alex pressing another kiss to her shoulder, “talk to me Love.” Bernie had never been a good sleeper, Alex knew that, knew what it had been like to crawl into bed after a 12 hour shift, only to be woken 3 hours later to be told you were needed back in the theatre you’d just left immediately. She too had become accustomed to living on cat naps and brief snoozes, grabbing 40 winks whenever she could, however, once leaving the army, Alex’s circadian rhythm had shifted to something more normal. Bernie hadn't had that luxury. However Alex knew Bernie well, she knew that tonight's restlessness was due to something other than poor sleeping habits.

“I can't stop thinking about those kids” Bernie whispered, “they were almost the same age as Charlie and Cam, I just kept thinking that if it had been them, if I'd have lost them like I…”

“Hey” Alex said softly, gently rubbing circles in Bernie’s stomach, “you did all you could, everyone did.” She knew exactly who Bernie meant, the 25 year old boy and his 22 year old girlfriend, both died on the operating table after the stolen car they’d been trying to outrun the police in had skidded and flipped several times down an embankment before smashing into a tree.

“I know I did, it's just…”

“It's hard” Alex nodded against Bernie’s back, “I know, and I know you might not feel it right now but Charlie and Cam love you Bernie, your relationship with them might be a little bit broken right now but you're getting there, as slow as it might seem, things are moving in the right direction.”

“I miss them, I miss them so much.”

“I know Love” Alex kissed Bernie’s shoulder again, “I know you do, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry that our relationship came at the extent of your relationships with Can and Charlie.”

Bernie shuffled, rolling over to face Alex. Even in the darkness Alex could see the tears in Bernie’s eyes and she gently reached out to wipe them away, “it wasn't your fault” Bernie told Alex as she reached up, linking their fingers together, “the way they reacted…it wasn't your fault.”

“And it wasn't yours either” Alex told her sincerely, your kids, well, they're adults now, they'll understand one day. Right now they're angry and confused but one day they'll realise that this was never about them, it was never about breaking up a happy family, it was about you leaving a situation that made you unhappy, it was about you being true to yourself.”

Bernie smiled slightly, “how do you know me so well?”

Alex laughed, “we practically lived out of the same rucksack for most of my adult life, that probably had something to do with it.”

“Ah yes” Bernie smiled again, “never knowing who's underwear was who's, leaving the bunk in one of my boots and one of yours, accidentally putting on the t-shirt you’d worn the day before...how could I possibly forget?”

“Old age” Alex teased, stealing a kiss when Bernie gently swatted at her hip, “why don't you send them a text?” she suggested, “Charlie and Cam, if they want to reach out and reply then they can, but you're not putting them on the spot like you would be with a phone call.”

“What would I say?

“Let them know that you're thinking about them” Alex reached up to tuck Bernie’s hair behind her ears, “remind them that you love them.”

“Now?”

“Unless you’d rather wait until later?”

Bernie nodded, “I erm, I'll wait until we get up for work in case I wake them” She said before yawning.

Alex smiled and nodded, why don't you try and get some sleep now?”

Bernie nodded and kissed Alex, “I love you.”

“I love you too Bern, so, so much.”

Bernie rolled over so her back was once against Alex’s chest, her girlfriend shuffling into her, Alex’s fingers gently stroking Bernie's hip, waiting until she was sure Bernie was asleep before closing her eyes, nuzzling into Bernie’s back as she too drifted into a peaceful slumber.


	10. Chapter 10

I'll be honest, I haven't watched Holby since it all went to shit at Christmas, so I'm blissfully ignoring everything to believe that Bernie is living her best life in Lisbon with Alex!

This is just a quick little drabble I knocked out after someone on twitter asked me if I could write something where Serena finds out Bernie and Alex had got married, I figure those of you that are still watching could do with some fluff!

* * *

 

"Holiday photos Mr Dunn?" Serena teased as she walked over to the man who was showing Dom a section of photographs, pictures, Serena presumed, taken on the two weeks annual leave he was returning from. "I thought people your age only looked at those through a screen." 

"Ah" Cam was shocked by Serena's sudden appearance, "I didn't take these, they were taken professionally and…" 

"Let me have a look then" Cam's mouth fell open in shock and he and Dom exchanged a worried look as, before he could protest, Serena took the photos from his hand and began to flip through them. 

Serena's face dropped as she saw a picture of Cam, dressed smartly in a suit, stood beside Bernie in full military uniform. "You saw your mum?" she asked, "is she okay?" 

"Yeah", Cam nodded, she's absolutely fine, look I should be going, I need to…" he was desperate to get the pictures back, to get away before Serena saw… 

"She got married?" Too late. He glanced over, biting his lip as he realised Serena had come to a black and white photo of Bernie and Alex kissing, lost in the moment as confetti rained down on them.

"Yeah" Cam whispered, "she did."

"To Alex? I didn't know they'd…" 

"Yeah" Cam wasn't sure whether to explain or not, "they bumped into each other at the airport when Mum was flying back to Nairobi and got talking again."

"Where did they…" Serena lost her train of thought as she came across a full length picture of the happy couple, revealing, not only the fact that they'd married abroad, but also the reason why Bernie had worn her dress uniform but Alex hadn't, there was no way the brunette would have fitted into her uniform, "Alex is pregnant?" 

Cam tried to hide his smile at the picture Serena was looking at, it had been one of the last pictures taken, Bernie now changed into linen trousers and a shirt, something more suited to the climate than her uniform, stood behind Alex, hands cradling Alex's bump, both women barefoot in the sand as they watched the sun set. "They got married in a place called Agrada Beach in Portugal, and yeah, that took me by surprise when Mum told me about it too but…" he shrugged, "she says it's what they both want so it's not for me to comment on." 

"She looks happy" Serena couldn't tear her eyes away from the photo, the smile on Bernie's face, the way her eyes sparkled as she held Alex close, a voice in her head pointing out that this is what she threw away. 

"She is" Cam nodded. 

"So they didn't fancy risking the weather and getting married over here then?" Serena didn't know why she was asking, trying to hide her disappointment at the fact Bernie had moved on, that she was happy with someone else. 

Cam bit his lip, "they've been living in Lisbon for the past year or so, or at least Mum has, Alex was already over there, Mum moved in with her."

"Oh, right" Serena handed back the photos, "well give her my congratulations when you next speak to her, I should be…" she gestured to the lifts and walked off without another word. 

"Well" Dom looked at Cam, "that was awkward, at least she didn't see this" he said as he handed back the photo he'd been holding, a photo of himself at the wedding, stood between Bernie and Alex, kissing Alex's cheek as Bernie looked on with a look of mock anger on her face. 

"Yeah, Mum hasn't really spoken about it but from what she has said, it was Serena that wanted to end things. She wasn't expecting Mum to sit around pining for her was she?" 

"Who knows?" Dom shrugged. 

Cam shook his head as Dom tried to give the photo back, "she told me to give that one to you." 

"Thanks" he slipped it into his bag, "It was a good day, and Serena's right. She does look happy, it was nice to see her so relaxed." 

"I wasn't Alex's biggest fan at first" Cam admitted, "but you're right, I don't think I've ever seen her so happy. Especially about having another baby." 

Dom laughed, "yeah, that was a bit of a shock to me, but if they're happy then that's all that matters. 

Dom had kept in touch with Bernie after she left, he'd known about her move to Lisbon, about how she'd proposed to Alex as they walked along the beach one evening, he even knew that she and Alex had talked about how Alex had mentioned wishing she'd had a child of her own, but the wedding invite, and the revelation that "we want to get married before the baby's born" had still come as a shock to him. 

He'd noticed the change in Bernie as soon as he'd seen her. Bernie and Alex had collected Dom and Lofty at the airport, he'd first noticed her tanned skin and her sun lightened hair, but then he noticed just how relaxed she was, how she seemed 'free' of the weight she'd carried when he'd known her in Holby. He watched her with Alex, saw the chemistry the pair had, the brief touches, stolen kisses when they thought nobody was looking. It was obvious that their relationship had grown slowly, that the years of waiting to be with each other had only worked in their favour  and he only hoped that he and Lofty could be that happy. 

"It is" Cam smiled before glancing at his watch, "I'd better…" 

"Yeah, me too actually" Dom picked up his coffee and followed Cam towards the lifts, "good luck" Dom chuckled as the lift doors opened on AAU. 

"I think I'll need it" Cam sighed as he headed for the staffroom, not sure how the news that his Mum had married again and was about to raise a child with Alex would have affected Serena's mood, but, as he changed into his scrubs for the start of his shift, he realised he didn't really care how Serena felt. His Mum was happier than he could ever remember seeing her before and that was all that mattered. 


	11. Finding Bernie (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wrote this for another pairing, so in my head it's set somewhere in the middle east, add that to the fact I haven't seen Holby since Christmas and I don't actually know where Bernie is meant to be, and well, you might just have to grant me a little artistic licence!
> 
> Oh, and I know nothing about medicine or about being in the army, so you'll just have to excuse any glaring errors there too I'm afraid!

Hot, she’d never been so hot in her life, she could feel the skin on her arms blistering as she stumbled wearily across the sands, she’d had to choose between the protection her combat gear gave her from the sun, or being so hot she was almost certain she’d pass out.

She’d lost count of how long she’d been out there, she’d lost count of the scorching days and freezing nights she’d spent traipsing through the desert, never stopping for fear that she wouldn’t be able to start again.

She couldn’t even remember how she’d got here, she had a vague recollection of a group of people, of shouting and then nothing but the feel of hands grabbing her as she was bundled into the back of a van.  She had no idea how long she’d been held hostage, even less of an idea of how she’d managed to escape from her captors, she just knew that she had a chance and she needed to run, so she’d started running and not looked back. There were times though when she wondered if she’d made the right decision, she’d have been easier to find had she stayed put, but then again she couldn’t be sure that she’d have lived to be found. Not that it really mattered now, she was sure she’d die alone in the desert anyway, collapsing into the dust never to be found again. She wasn’t sure what would kill her first, exhaustion, heat stroke or dehydration, she was already hallucinating, her lips dry and cracked as she barely managed to keep putting one foot in front of the other, terrified she was going round in circles and would eventually end up back at the dilapidated shack she’d escaped from.

The sun rose and set twice more before the exhausted woman finally stumbled upon a dirt track running through the desert and her heart leapt, she knew that although it didn’t look like much it was a road, she just had to follow it and she’d find a village, she was on her way to safety.  But it wasn’t to be. She made it less than half a mile before her tired body finally gave up on her and she collapsed in a crumpled heap by the side of the track.

She frowned as she forced her eyes open, she could feel her whole body shaking and she knew she’d been found, her captors had found her and she was on her way to her death, in fact, she was surprised she wasn’t already dead. “Here” a gruff voice spoke with a strong accent as she was nudged gently, a large bottle being held towards her, “water, you drink.”

“Thank you” she managed to whisper as her shaking hands reached for the bottle, unsure whether to drink or not, she knew that a lot of the locals disapproved of the army’s presence in their communities and there was no way of telling what was in the bottle but the prospect of anything was too tempting.  She was relieved when she felt the cool water run down her parched throat and she took a few large gulps before offering the bottle back to the man driving the truck she found herself in.

“No” he insisted, “you drink.”  Bernie just nodded, grateful for the water and they sat in silence until the man spoke again, “you English or America?”

“English” her voice caught in her throat, unsure how he’d react but he simply nodded.

“You sleep. Long drive.”

The young recruit reached protectively for his rifle as he saw a worn out truck screech to a hault in front of the barracks where he was on patrol, “why are you here?” he asked the large man who stepped from the cab, slightly reassured by his comrades who were slowly edging closer as back up.

“English?” The man asked, “you English?.”

“You need to move that van.”

“English, I find English” he mumbled, opening the passenger side of his truck, “I find English” he repeated as he lifted Bernie’s lifeless body into his arms.

The young soldier gasped, it was almost three months since the Major had last been seen, and although she looked to be in a terrible state the soldier could see he was still breathing, “thank you, I’ll take her” he said, easily taking the slight weight of the unconscious woman and racing through the camp with her towards the hospital area, leaving the other soldiers on patrol to speak to the truck driver.

“What the fu…” Alex was nearly knocked off her feet by the young man, frowning slightly as she recognised the fact that he was carrying a lifeless body, a body with familiar blonde hair, “is that…” she raced to catch up with him.

“It’s Major Wolfe” he told her, not realising the connection between Bernie and Alex, “a man just brought her here in a truck.”

She could see that he was beginning to struggle with the dead weight he was carrying and took Bernie from his arms, “let me” she told him, knowing she had more than enough adrenaline pumping through her veins to make it to her fellow medics.

“Wha…” Bernie began to wake as she was jostled into Alex’s arms.

“Don’t try and speak Bern, you’re safe now, you’re back at base, I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“Al…”

“Yeah, I’m taking you to the medics, you taught them, they’ll make sure you’ll be okay.”

"Al" Bernie  mumbled again, convinced she was hallucinating, there was no way she could be back at the base, no, she was still in the desert, trapped by the blazing sun.

“It’s okay” Alex promised, as tears rolled down her cheeks, “it’s okay.”

“What have we got?” a medic asked as Alex burst into the room.

All sense of protocol and formality briefly left Alex as she sobbed out the only words that came to mind,“it’s my wife.”

"A local man just bought her here” the soldier who Bernie had been handed to realised Alex was too distraught to explain and took over the story, “she was unconscious when she arrived and she's just come round, there are some pretty bad burns on her arms from what I can see." He said as someone took Bernie from Alex. The young man saluting to his superior as he was thanked and dismissed, someone else taking the Major from Alex, beginning to shout orders, not wanting to waste a second

“Can I stay?” Alex asked, her voice little more than a whisper.

She got a nod in response, “as long as you stay there” the man pointed to a space close enough to the bed that Alex would be able to see what was happening but far enough away that she wouldn’t get in the way, “and you do nothing to try and treat her.”

Alex nodded and walked over to where she’d been told she could stand, “understood.”

“Al” Bernie choked, “Al” she tried to fight against the hands she felt against her body, she was confused and disorientated, sure she’d been hallucinating, convinced that Alex was still miles away and the hands she could feel were those of her captors, that she’d never see her wife again. “Al”.

The scream that escaped Bernie’s throat was a sound Alex didn’t think she’d ever forget, and she looked up, her eyes full of tears as her gaze met that of her superior, “please” she whispered. He nodded, making room for Alex at the head of the bed, hoping her presence would calm Bernie without the need to sedate her. “I’m here Bern” she whispered, “you’re safe now, we’re going to look after you.”  She bit her lip to hold back her tears, not wanting to touch her wife for fear of hurting her she settled for carefully stroking her tangled hair as she told Bernie which of their team were there, who was doing what, doing all she could to reassure Bernie, promising her that she was safe, that she was going to be okay. She had to be okay, Alex didn’t even want to think about the alternative.


	12. Finding Bernie (Part 2)

When talk quickly came round to moving Bernie to a specialist burns unit in the UK, there was no doubt in Alex's mind, she was going with her. But even so, she was still slightly surprised that there was no resistance to her demands to go home with her wife, and, less than 48 hours after Bernie had been found she and Alex were flown back to England. 

Bernie had been sedated for most of the journey despite the fact she'd barely been conscious for long since her return, her burns so extensive that it was thought sedation would be the most comfortable way for the blonde to spend the long flight home. 

Alex was asked to wait in the corridor as Bernie was settled into a private room on the ward, the military medics who'd met them at the airfield handing Bernie over to the NHS staff, the NHS staff wanting to check Bernie over themselves to confirm what was scribbled in her notes.

It felt like weeks before Alex was allowed into the room with her wife, but in reality they'd been separated for less than half an hour, Alex quickly making herself comfortable in the chair by Bernie's bed, knowing she wasn't going to leave for a while. 

Bernie looked so peaceful laying in the bed, the various monitors she was attached to reassuring Alex that Bernie was okay, she was safe now. She wanted to take Bernie's hand in her own, hold it tightly, but she couldn't, almost every inch of Bernie's arms were covered in dressings and bandages, her face too, trying to protect her skin from even more damage as it healed. 

Alex knew it wouldn't be a quick recovery, had read Bernie's notes herself, she knew that, alongside the heatstroke, dehydration and exhaustion, Bernie had suffered burns that would probably need skin grafts, that her feet had been worn raw after walking miles in her heavy boots. Alex knew that, even when her injuries had healed, Bernie would probably need physiotherapy before she could walk again, and that was before she even began to think of the mental trauma the woman had suffered. Bernie's recovery wasn't going to be easy, Alex knew that, but she was certain she'd be there for every second of it. She wasn't going anywhere. 

It took almost three days for Bernie to begin to stir, Alex waking from where she'd been dozing by the bed as she heard a quiet groan, "Bern" she whispered as she sat up, her heart leaping in joy when she saw Bernie's eyes flutter open. "You're okay" she whispered, "you're safe, but try not to move too much." 

“Al” Bernie mumbled, “what, what…?”

“You’re in hospital Bern" Alex began to explain, "in the UK, you were found almost a week ago at the side of a track in the middle of nowhere, a farmer drove you back to base in his truck and then you were flown home.  Alex carefully took hold of Bernie's hand as she saw her try to touch the bandages on her other arm, “don’t” she said softly, laying her arm back on the bed, “you’ve got a lot of second degree burns to both arms and your face and your feet are in a pretty bad state, you must have walked miles."

Bernie nodded before frowning, clumsily moving to her hand to her neck as she felt something tug at her skin, “what…?”

“You were dehydrated but your arms were too burnt for them to get an IV line in” Alex explained, "your neck was the only place they could do it." 

“Oh” ‘Bernie’s eyes slowly closed again.

" I should let the doctors know you're awake" Alex stood, but Bernie was quick to reach out to her, unable to hide her hiss of pain at the movement. 

"No" she whispered. "Stay." 

Alex nodded, once again laying Bernie's arm on the bed before reaching over and pressing the call button. "It's okay" she sat down again, "I'm not going anywhere." 

And Alex kept her word, only leaving the hospital once Bernie had fallen asleep each night, returning first thing in the morning before the blonde had woken.  She nervously paced the corridors each time Bernie went into theatre, was there to reassure her, do her best to comfort her when the pain was too much for the painkillers she'd been prescribed.  She sat by Bernie's side, talking to her about everything and nothing at the same time, she read to her, helped her with simple tasks such as eating her meals and using the bathroom, and when the time came, helping her with the exercises that would bring her back to full strength. Alex spent hours gently massage Bernie's tight muscles and her aching feet and it was Alex’s hands on Bernie’s waist, reassuring her as she took her first shaky steps between two parallel bars during her physical therapy. Alex supporting her wife when, after just five steps, her legs gave way and Alex was the only thing that stopped her crashing to the ground, instead picking her up and carrying her back to the safety of the wheelchair she hated, “hey” she said softly, crouching down to look Bernie in the eye as she heard her growl in frustration, “how many steps did you take today?”

“Five” Bernie mumbled, obviously annoyed at herself.

“And how many did you take yesterday?” Bernie frowned at her but Alex had long since stopped being scared of the Major Wolfe look, “how many?”

“None.”

“There we are” Alex squeezed Bernie's knee gently before beginning to push her back to her bed, “today you took five more steps than you did yesterday, it’s progress, it might only be a little bit of progress but it’s progress all the same.” Alex helped Bernie back into bed once they reached the ward before picking up a cup of water and holding the straw towards Bernie, “come on” she said softly.

“I…” Bernie didn’t get chance to finish before Alex interrupted her.

“You need to drink” she said softly, “the more you drink the sooner they’ll take the IV line out.”

Bernie nodded reluctantly and sipped at the water, “Alex” she said softly, “thank you, thank you for, for everything.”

Alex smiled as she filled up the glass again, “you’re welcome” she smiled softly. 

"No, I, I know I haven't been the easiest of people these past few weeks but you, I…" 

"You've been through a lot Bern" Alex sat on the edge of the bed and gently brushed Bernie's hair back from her face, "and when I promised you for better or for worse and in sickness and in health, I meant it. You're my wife Bern, you're my wife and I love you, I want to be with you wherever we are and whatever happens. You're the only person I want to share my life with."

"But what about…" Bernie gestured to her face. Alex had been the one to peel back her dressings and shown her the damage to her face after a nurse had refused, insisting it would be better if Bernie waited until they'd healed a little. 

"If you're asking me if the scars change anything then no, they don't. You're still the most beautiful woman in the world to me" 

"I love you" Bernie whispered. 

Alex leaned in to kiss Bernie softly, "and I love you too Darling, I always will." 


End file.
